My Relationship with Money — Teach me how to say enough
Like many people lately, my past week's nightly thoughts were engulfed by the storytelling of Squid Game, a Netflix K-Drama that showcases the relationship we have with a currency that society has artificially created to define value and worth. Money runs the world and fuels our desires (regardless of how well intentioned they are), and while there may be a future in which society operates on a different paradigm — it is not one that I can imagine yet.
What I have been imagining though is how my immediate future would be like and my own relationship with money. I am a Documentary Storyteller by trade, a Freelancer by categorisation. My income is based on the amount of work I do - but to execute those works requires closing deals with clients who have their own monetary considerations. And I am constantly mindful as well of the financial commitments I make to the people who I work with..
I have taken strides in learning the different perspectives of people that I work with. From my conversations with them, it seems that every person feels they are at the losing end, and they naturally bear some grudge towards the 'system' in general., and to the alleged 'perpetrator' in context.
After listening to their grievances, and being in a position that signs off on such billings, I try to do right by them. To pay them their dues, respect the fees they charge in good faith, and minimise the period of transaction.
Knowing that their livelihoods are at stake is a constant motivation. At the same time, the considerations of the client — mainly to ensure that a 'fair' price is paid for the work that we as a collective do, is equally paramount to ensure that this relationship is sustainable. It feels like a zero-sum game at times. Though I do admit that my years of experience makes me a greenhorn in a sea of professionals, I am constantly irked by the feeling that the numbers do not add up.
Allow me to segue to a past memory when I was attending a producer's masterclass at the 2018 Hot Docs Canadian International Documentary Festival. At that time, I was there to promote my second documentary, which was made on a budget of $5,000. That documentary was only possible due to the generosity of those who donated their time, equipment and expertise. I knew it was not sustainable, but if I knew how to manage more money, I could do so in the future.
These masterclasses were interactive - its format followed the burning questions of the attendees. While I enthusiastically raised my hand as I sat on the front row, the lady beside me was chosen to speak first.
I cannot remember her question, but I can remember how she started. "My production has a small budget, it is just under one million dollars...". At that moment, it felt as if I entered the wrong room. How could a production with a near 7-digit budget be considered small? I continue to wonder about that today. And so did the moment that followed after.
The question was met with universal resignation by the panel of three acclaimed producers — one of whom had even won an Emmy for her work. Her remark summed it up succinctly, " If you are in this work to make money, you are in the wrong business."
That was a tough statement to reconcile, especially knowing that I had entered the world of Documentary Storytelling not simply due to passion but due to the belief that those who succeed in this world are those who find what they are innately gifted at and work hard to hone that potential.
Stubborn 25-year-old me stood by his belief and subsequently rejected the statement that concluded the masterclass. To my relief, there are other industry professionals whom I met throughout the festival who touted a belief that the world is about to enter a golden age of documentary appreciation and valuation, and while it will certainly be hard — there may be no better time to try.
Back to Squid Game for a moment. Players in the game are invited to participate in a series of death matches — being the sole survivor grants them a fortune that is beyond what they could obtain in their current miserable course of life. But that fortune is also a cumulation of the misfortune of others who tried to do the same — survive.
The developments in Squid Game's stories keeps me up at night because while exaggerated, the world is not much different. The belief that regardless of our motivations and ambitions in life, money is necessary — or perhaps even essential to the pursuit of our own happiness.
But getting that money seems to be a sacrifice process — even for those who had amassed so much of it. We all wish at the minimum to get enough. Yet this arbitrary goal seems to shift we inch closer to it. The need for more money looms, especially when there is a sense that an absence of forward momentum is the resignation to regression. Peace cannot be maintained in a stationary position. Those who believe otherwise may be labelled as one who — take things for granted.
At the time of this writing, I have made more money from my works this year than in all seven previous years of my journey combined. But this is also the year in which I hired my first employee — or more technically a trainee under the SG United Traineeship programme. The responsibility I feel is immense, as the sustained success of OKJ Works no longer hinges just on own ambitions. I am not looking forward to when the infamous factor of rent is added to my balance sheets.
But I am not complaining. A journey like this is not something many can get to go on — and some would even consider my perceived challenges as a privilege. I agree.
What ultimately pushed me to write this article as a way to work through my thoughts comes in the form of Hamilton: The Musical — a piece of work that I continue to love since its premiere, and finally last week, I watched the recorded theatre version on Disney+.
I would like to end with an excerpt from the song, 'That Would Be Enough'
Look around, look around
At how lucky we are to be alive right now
Will you relish being a poor man's wife
Unable to provide for your life?
I relish being your wife
Look around, look around
Look at where you are
Look at where you started
The fact that you're alive is a miracle
Just stay alive, that would be enough
